I miss you
by Kreuse
Summary: Arthur and Morgana share one farewell, sort of. Take place after S05E08.


The man was long gone, but his words haunted Arthur's nightmares.

'_I kept her like an animal.' 'Not that her time with me was entirely wasted.'_

The pain, the possibility of pain that Sarrum had inflicted her burnt in his mind like a thousand hells that shame fueled. He was at fault too. He knew that now, he had let her down, not seeing when she needed him. The one time he should have read through her rebuff of needing no one, he failed to do so, and he had lost her.

The young king paced the empty apartment he used as an office. It used to be hers. Why he had decided that the Lady Morgana former's quarters would be a good place to reign over Camelot, he had no idea. Maybe because her presence still lingered here. A whiff of roses; a dent in the window frame, the whiter patch on the wall where they had covered the marks from that fire so long ago, all those details reminded him that she had lived here. The girl who challenged him with a wood sword had become a breathtaking young lady, and then a fierce enemy. Where was she now, the one who challenged and confused the hell out of him? He missed her. He wished she had trusted him with her secrets. Maybe he could have helped.

"Do you really think so?"

He spun on his heels, and she was there, her arms crossed over her chest, her dark curls tangled in an uncertain bun, her eyes blazing.

"Morgana…"

"Hello Arthur."

The smirk and the contempt were her new trademark. But then he noticed her stiff shoulders. Tiredness marked her angelic face. Her hands clutched to her arms trembled slightly.

Instinctively, or maybe because she was helpless fool when it came to her, Arthur took a step forward. Her green eyes vibrated. She held one hand in front of her and he braced for the impact, but nothing happened. He stepped forward again, and she backed at the same time, her eyes darting to every opening, seeking a possible escape route. Arthur paused.

"I won't hurt you."

For the briefest second, her lips curled in a tiny smile, then she shook her head, her expression forbidding.

"I might."

Arthur hesitated, and moved aside.

"No, not tonight. Happy birthday…"

The table behind him was set for one. The food used to be her favorite: fish and cooked spinach with fried potatoes and sweet bread. Morgana's eyes widened, and her face softened. She tried to frown but her stare betrayed incredulity.

"Did you do that for me?"

"Every year."

Arthur moved toward her again, and this time she stayed immobile. She fixed him without blinking. When he was close enough to touch her, she shivered madly and looked away, her hands fiddling with the hard laces of her corsage.

"I…"

Arthur grinned.

"Behind the screen."

Her face lit up. It felt like a stab in his gut. Arthur turned around gallantly.

"Take your time. No one will disturb us. People are used to my working habits."

This room was his refuge, like it had been hers.

Sighs of wellbeing and wet noises told him her powers had supplied for the hot water she needed for a bath. He listened to her play in the bathtub, a pearl of pleasure escaping from time to time. The sound appeased and disturbed him, forcing him to think of what could have been, if Destiny hadn't separated them.

"Arthur?"

Her hair freshly washed and combed cascaded like dark silk on her shoulders. She looked nearly frail in the simple white shift.

"I…" Speech was still hard around her, when she looked so beautiful, with nothing but kindness in her eyes. "I think some of your dresses are still around. In that chest maybe…"

Morgana gave a tired smile, and shook her head.

"No need."

With a backflip of her hand, emerald and sapphire flames surrounded her, blinding. When he managed to accommodate again, she was fully dressed in velvet and silk, so like her old self he wanted to cry. Arthur bowed his head, hiding his emotions.

"Magic has its perks, I see."

"Sometimes. Thank you…"

She tiptoed to kiss his cheek. It cost him not to hug her tight, never to let her go ever again. Morgana sat at the table.

"So, no dagger this year?"

He grinned back.

"Nope."

"I liked it you know. It was exactly what I needed."

"Not funny, Morgana."

Her hand moved above the food and it heated instantly.

"But it's true. You always seemed to know what I wanted most."

"No, not always."

Arthur refilled his goblet. The wine tasted like regret, bitter on his tongue. She devoured the bread and the fish as if it was the real first meal she had in days. Seeing her so famished, he wished he had asked for a fuller plate, or something more substantial.

"Do you want something else? I can…"

Once again, Morgana fixed him with those crystalline eyes he knew so well. Her eyes were filled with wonder and pride, and it felt as if no time had passed at all. He growled, "I want to kill him."

She squeezed his hand.

"But you won't. Everything happens for a reason, you know."

Her touch ignited sparks under his skin.

"He hurt you. He said he…"

The memory strangled him, anger chocking in his throat. Morgana shook her head again.

Arthur swallowed more wine and released her hand so she could finish her meal. She did with small bites, this time enjoying the tasty food. He looked away.

He scrubbed the floor with the heel of his boot, more in habit than ill-at-easiness. With her, the silence was never awkward or too long, as it was more and more with Gwen. With Morgana, silence had always been a mutual understanding.

Finally, she pushed her plate away. Arthur straightened up in his chair. She stifled a yawn. Arthur leaned toward her to brush her cheek.

She froze at the caress, the haunted look back in her wonderful stare. Arthur pulled away slowly, regretfully.

"I'll wake you up before dawn. Please, have some rest. You look tired."

A small pat on the bed was all she needed to obey. He had not seen her so vulnerable and obedient in a very long time. Her eyes closed as soon as her head touched the pillow. He pulled the coverlet over her legs. On an impulse, he kissed her forehead, then her cheek. A slow smile blossomed on her lips.

"He didn't, you know. He couldn't."

Arthur sat near her. She nestled closer, inch by inch, until her cheek rested against his arm.

"Aithusa fused our magic and she casted a spell. I didn't know it was possible for dragons to do that."

Her voice was merely more than a murmur.

"No man can approach me without my consent and remain… whole."

Arthur jerked, one heartbeat to jump away. Morgana giggled sleepily in his sleeve.

"You're fine, Arthur…"

"Do you think we… Do you think we can go back to the way we were? Before everything went wrong? I know it was my fault, but I-"

Her eyes shot open. Morgana straightened up and used one hand to turn his face to her.

"Don't do that to yourself, Arthur. You are not to blame, at least not the only one. I chose to turn my back on Camelot, and you. I regret I did. But we have to finish what we started."

Tears welled in her eyes. He pressed a light kiss on her lips, as innocent as it was chaste. Morgana nestled back into his arms. Arthur whispered.

"I hope it will finish soon. I truly miss you."

"As do I."

_The end is only the beginning  
__December 2012_

* * *

**A/N**** : so _Merlin_ is coming to an end_. _I hope they won't screw up the ending, and let us see Morgana's redemption, and some glimpse of Avalon. If not, well, that's what fanfiction is for.**


End file.
